On my mind

Hey guys,

I have not talked about many personal things here on my blog, but lately I have had something on my mind and thought I would share it with all of you.

On January 27th of this year, I lost my dad.

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My dad and I

To say that it was the darkest day of my life would be an understatement. ย My dad was without a doubt my biggest supporter. My dad had been very sick for a while and even though there were many days that we did not know if he would live through the night, I still wasn’t prepared to lose him.

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My dad and I on my wedding day

While I am glad that my dad is no longer in pain, my life is obviously not the same without him. I have many, many great memories of him, but it breaks my heart that I can’t call or see him anymore, that he will never meet my children someday, and will never see my sister get married.

Long before my dad passed away, he decided he wanted to be cremated. Most of his ashes are now in a niche next to my grandparents. A few days after my dad passed away, Pat came up with the idea of taking some of my dadโ€™s ashes to spread in the ocean the next time we went to Aruba. I loved this idea and know my dad would have too since he LOVED Aruba and it was his absolute favorite place in the world.

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Our first trip to Aruba

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I have a small urn of his ashes for this reason that I currently have on my dresser, next to my jewelry box that has his picture in it. As our next trip to Aruba is coming up, I have been thinking about this a lot and I am unsure if I want to do this anymore. While I know my dad would have loved it, I also like having some of his ashes with me because it makes me feel he is with me.

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8 thoughts on “On my mind

  1. My heart aches for you and your family, I am so sorry about your Dad. I truly think you should do what you feel is right in your heart. If you want to keep them with you, then keep them with you! No one will ever fault you for that xoxo

    • That’s true. My concern is that the urn that I have is super small (only 4 inches in height or so), so if I spread a decent amount in the ocean, there wouldn’t be much left so I don’t know if I want to part with them.

  2. If you don’t feel ready/or want to part with these ashes I wouldn’t do it. If you are uneasy and don’t have peace about the idea, it will only make you feel worse if you do!! I am SURE that your dad will understand you wanting to keep these close to you!

  3. I am so sorry to read this. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I find there is never any right answer in these instances. Just do what feels best for you.

    I don’t write about serious topics very often, but whenever I do, I find it to be so therapeutic. I hope this was for you as well ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking losing someone so close. But at least you have a lot of happy memories. You seem so happy in all your photos!

    If you’re not ready to part with his ashes then keep them. Do whatever you feel is right for you. Your dad would just want you to be happy. X

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